Aftermath

This week was the beginning of a two-week stint of a lot of extra responsibilities at work. It's good, because I've been wanting to take on a bit of a different role at work, but it was sort of like asking for one of the gates in a dam to be opened only to have the entire damn structure (lol) explode in my face. So in addition to worrying about some medical concerns, I've been getting a cold that's been passed around (or I never fully recovered from what I had a couple weeks back) and I've had a lot of stress stacked on top as I catapult into taking on a lot of extra hours of work/dropping other tasks to make sure things are taken care of.

All of this cumulated in a massive panic attack while I was driving, which, believe it or not I was grateful for. I was on my way home on my long work day (I now work 7:30am-10:30pm on one day at two jobs, which may need to change) and I was feeling pretty sick/faint. I was terrified that I was going to pass out suddenly, even though I've never actually fainted before. I got myself all worked up and I felt the panic attack coming on. The thing is, even though I KNOW what it is, I can't stop it from happening. It's the kind of thing that needs to run its course once it gets past a certain threshold.

It's not exactly comfortable and I haven't had too many of them before (I've had maybe 4-5 massive attacks over my entire life, and most of them are in the middle of the night), but I've had enough that I know how to recognize them. It was the strangest experience, because I went from feeling faint and nauseous, then short of breath, to completely alert with full concentration. I got this tingling sensation in my hands to the point where they went completely numb (I could still use them fine but I couldn't "feel" them) and it felt like my blood in my hands was bubbling. It wasn't hot, but it felt as though both my hands had the circulation cut off, but it wasn't painful and it was super intense. The rest of my body had tremors running through it and I had a burning sensation across my chest and face.

I was worried I wouldn't be able to go again if I pulled over into the shoulder on the road, so I just...kept driving. I experienced that for about 15minutes for the rest of the drive home and it started to go away when I was about 2minutes out. My subconscious was aware that I was almost in a "safe" zone I suppose. Anyway the reason I was grateful for it, was when it came on I knew that I WOULDN'T faint, because it was literally impossible. When I have panic attacks, my heart rate and blood pressure increases and you faint when the opposite happens. My nausea went away too so, I got the lesser of two evils.

So yeah. That was fun. Waking up has been difficult the last couple days, but I am feeling better for now. All of this will be addressed in a week's time. And yes, if you are all wondering, I would have pulled over if I was actually going to faint or throw up. I know what fainting feels like cause it's almost happened a few times (but never actually lost consciousness).

Anyway...here have some soundtracks.

Destiny: Rise of Iron - Actually like this soundtrack quite a bit. Apparently it was officially released this week. I should play more of this some day.

Game of Thrones - Apparently this is all the soundtracks. It's like 6 hours long. I'm going to just listen to a bit of it.

Working on the RPG again. Fixed a bunch of issues that were mildly frustrating, but also kind of hilarious. Working on the battle system and items now, but it's going to require a lot of testing to make sure it's functional. I'm hoping to have the first map done by the end of October. Theoretically, barring issues finding or making specific assets, the rest of it should go a lot quicker now that I have an idea of what I'm doing.

It wouldn't be a possibility this year, but maybe I can use this RPG as an incentive for Extra Life next year. Not that anyone would actually want to play the damn thing, but I could give out a copy to the top three donors or something. I'll talk to Kathleen about it. This year I may get Mesk, Shauna and Delta in on Extra Life activities. Likely going to be purchasing a capture card so I can do PS3/PS4 games.